Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Handling a True Fashion Emergency

Warning: This story explains why it is a great idea to have one or all of the following: a safety pin, an undershirt/camisole, and an over shirt/cardigan with sleeves. The victim of this embarrassing moment is not responsible for lifelong anguish or mental damage caused by recurring thoughts of what you are about to read.
How often do we think of, plan for, and even worry over real fashion disasters? They happen at all times, ketchup stains, lost buttons, or that dreaded broken high heel. My question is, how can we heal the unbearable pain of these awkward and unfortunate events when in public and all eyes are watching? When I told my mom I was going to tell this story to the world, she thought it was hilarious and bold at that. I not only want to prepare you for the unfortunate disasters that can come your way, but honestly tell you that based on my experience, the three items listed above can be lifesavers.
Last Sunday night, I was with my sweetie in Birmingham for his job interview early the next morning. We had been traveling all weekend and decided to go out for dinner when we arrived. Taking our time, we had a great and relaxing meal at Brio in Brookwood Village (GREAT restaurant-Chopped Salad and Margarita Flatbread are musts). Anyway, after our date, we decided to drive to find the building of his interview. On our way, we passed a Bruno’s grocery store. Me, always trying to be prepared, believed it would be an excellent idea to run in there at 11:00 p.m. to grab something quick for breakfast. When I uttered the words, “Just drop me off at the door, I’ll be right back,” I spoke much too soon. It was meant to be that I only carried a $10, no cell phone, Mary Poppins bag, etc. Off I went in my floral cardigan, orange tank, gold heels, and favorite $8.00 Gap pencil skirt. As my normal grocery trips go, I just had to head down the cereal aisle first. There are far too many crunchy, sugary, delightful concoctions awaiting me there. Without delay, I sashay my way down the aisle and before I know it, cereal boxes are flying everywhere. I’m grabbing onto shelves, contorting myself everyway known to a professional gymnast. I’m showing off my right leg and left leg doing center splits all while Captain Crunch is on the attack. I am distraught about the ways I am able to literally “break it down.” Finally, my behind finds its way to the concrete floor and I am beat. My foot is rub burned, my knee is bruised, my shoe is chipped, and I am almost sure I’ve ruined some item of clothing attire. At first I panic. I look all around ready to see someone wetting their pants at my expense. Alas, I am alone, and thank the good Lord for that. I manage to scrape myself up off the floor where I discover that I’ve ripped my skirt all the way up my behind and oh yes, even past my underwear. As much as I hate to admit it my friends, my panties are flapping in the wind. What am I to do? I try to hurriedly throw the boxes back on the shelves while disguising my fashion outrage. I’m really getting worried because I cannot call my knight in shining armor to my rescue. I decide that I must tie my cardigan around my waist and unfortunately expose my colored bra straps (GASP!) while walking proud to the produce section. The show must go on, I know. By the time I make my rounds, I am laughing so hard at myself people around me must think I’m as high as a kite. I pay for my items and make my way outside, avoiding a lawsuit questionnaire at all costs. Billy pulls up to get me and admits to me in the car, “When I see Faith Landers with her cardigan around her waist, dare I ask what has happened?” For a few miles, I cannot get the words out. Of course, we are having quite a good laugh. My main thought all along is why was he not there to witness my hilarious debut for Tony the Tiger? I assure you, I gave it nothing less than my best for all of my favorite good morning greeters.
Well, all is said. I’ve thrown out my embarrassing moment in hopes that you will remember my unfortunate spill when you need a pick me up. Please, for your own good, always have some item that can attempt to save you in the wake of a fashion disaster. But, most of all, learn to laugh at yourself. I’ve made many people laugh about this story in the past week which, made it all worthwhile. So cheer up lads, just when you think you’ve got it under control, there are black skid marks awaiting you on aisle ten.

Image courtesy of imageenvision.com

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